Admit it: you’ve been there before and you saw that guy in the lift line wearing jeans and skinny skis from 1990 with sunglasses and a baseball hat and you kind of had a little chuckle to yourself, “LOL gaper!”
But were you sure? A person can be a locally clueless, noob, tourist, or beginner, but as long as he’s respectful and aware of his surroundings he’s not really a gaper he’s just made really bad fashion. What most people forget is that gapers are arrogant poseurs who act like they own the mountain and have little or no regard for anyone else, neon onesies and skinny skis optional.
Here are some tips to help you differentiate between true gapers and harmless tourists. If you find yourself doing any of these things, seek help immediately.
- Taking their kids on a guided tour of the terrain park
- Stopping for no reason, usually around blind corners
- Sitting on/under park features
- Doing wide s-turns on the narrowest cat tracks
- Inability to carry skis and/or walk in ski boots.
- Falls while loading/unloading the chairlift
- Complaining about the snow being too deep
- At the bar, bragging about how “epic” today was
Now if you’ve made double-sure that someone really is a gaper, well then heckle away!. Real gapers deserve to be shamed off the slopes. Just make sure you’re not giving the business to a harmless tourist whose fat wallet is subsidizing your season pass.
With all the seriousness out of the way, here’s “Shit Gapers Say” brought to you by some gaper kids from Minnesota.